I am in a slightly warped, miserable state of mind. But it feels right. It feels normal. I accept that a period of adjustment is necessary. I am mentally happy with what I have achieved so far. Emotionally I am broken. Physically just stable, as always.

I feel very weak, but I know that I am strong. I am 21. I am on my own in a new city. I am back in Europe after six years in Australia. I have been back for just over three weeks. I have a fantastic job. I am working as Network Systems Developer for a large telecommunications company. I live with other expats, currently all from Australia, and we are all exceptionally good at what we do. All young. I am learning an incredible amount of stuff every minute. I am experiencing new things all the time, day and night, and days sometimes blend into each other. We live together and work together, and we always talk work.

I don’t have a mirror. There is a mirror in the elevator, and I can’t help but look just to check everything is in place. Usually isn’t, but by then I’m already out. But I suppose I don’t care too much, or at least I try not to.

Out of the building,  I cross the road, and am surrounded by trees in Flevopark. There is a small lake in the park, a lot of flies, and a lot of people sunbaking. Dogs off leashes and signs that attempt to restrict it. Bikes and laughter. I walk over a bridge and walk along the road with canals on either side. Nuclear testing labs ahead. I am walking today, but tomorrow there should be a bike waiting for me at work. I just need to buy a lock.